Dont ask…Wont tell….

It’s disgust and hatred and every other pathetic feeling my worst nightmares could ever have conjured….it all came down at once…it all struck together like a shiny white lightening bolt revealing itself so boldly…shamelessly proud of its disaster causing capability. The dark and gloomy nights without reason always had some misfortune to portend. It did. It happened. The soggy letter in the blue envelope on the 27th of November contained in it the onslaught of emotional dilemma with every blue inked letter….A minute later a blur is all that the world was…my eyes were dry but my legs were moving….the trees around the thin muddy road were a continuous green shroud I tried running away from….The letter crushed in my right hand, now floated into the shroud while my legs went further away from it. Shirt soaked with sweat…I wanted to get away….from reason…from people…from the people wanting a reason…from life…from wanting to live…from wanting to create more of those ephemeral moments of joy in a lifeless plague of sorrow….from sarcasm….from expectations….from everything tangible…and especially everything else….I wanted like every one else in the world, to have the supernatural happen….it after all is the reason we live.( “Happy moments are like miracles that happen to you and no one else…this makes us feel special…momentarily superior…” ). I wished to be absorbed by nothingness….to be numb for life….to not think and not be thought of for a lifetime….It wouldn’t happen of course….life continued and I was absorbed once again by change…The blue envelope is far behind in the woods of that night…lost along with the lesson on the futility of life that it seeked to preach.

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